Somewhere in the world or at some time or another you have been feeding your baby a bottle, trying to calm a fussy child or even being wide awake while your child takes over your bed.
We have all been there. We are moms. Are we good moms? If you ask yourself that, chances are that you are doubting yourself.
You aren’t alone. If you’re new to being a mom or if you have been a mom for a while, you know it hasn’t always been this way. You once were a single woman that had no care and no one to answer to.
You went on dates and took time for yourself. You would go to the gym, to your job or out with your friends. At some point though, you decided to be a mom. This became your responsibility. You promised that you would keep your child safe. So what could go wrong?
There are plenty of things that can go wrong and this is something that we deal with in motherhood.
Here are a few good tips on how to be a good mom, or at least feel like one:
Forget What You Were Taught
If you got advice from your mom, aunt or grandma, forget some of these things. Your child isn’t you or someone else, your child is their own person. No one knows them better than you do.
Times change and things are different in each generation. In the older days, people always sat down for dinner and smiled and had a good night. No one smiles that much but that’s okay.
When you were a child, you probably played outside all day for hours and hours. Things like ADD or ADHD weren’t a big deal. Doctors weren’t diagnosing food allergies.
Now, these issues are serious and different today. How can other people relate?
But, since they love us, they will still give us their opinion including:
- Trying to tell you that your child is just like you.
- Giving your advice
- Arguing with you about getting another opinion
- Trying to give you new light on the subject.
The best thing to do is to follow your instinct. If you feel that something isn’t right, then you need to make sure that you pay attention. See how your child is behaving and educate yourself. Be involved in their life.
Don’t be afraid to say no to your child or to say no if someone wants to share their opinion.
Even if you say no, make sure you keep an open mind.
Use Social Media
If you are allowed, try to have one social media account. This can help you to share news, send pictures, post to old friends and network. You can even use this to organize and meet new people. Social media can be a therapy.
If you are like other moms, you want to find things that your child will like. You will also like to post pictures and show what children really are doing. Some pictures will help other moms see that your child is not always hugging you, not always sharing or being in the best mood. Sometimes, your child might not be friendly or laughing.
When you are on social media, take time to post picture of your child doing things like eating, playing, going outside, having a nap, taking a bath or other things and then post them. You will have these memories forever and you will let other mothers see how fast time flies and how much fun you can have with your family.
Make a Group
If you have kids its important that you find other people that have children to hang out with. Gather your children and other people and have fun. Find people that like to go on playdates. Even if you will have extra laundry or food to cook, allow other kids to come over and hang out.
When you start thinking about forming your own group, ask who you trust around your children. Call these people if you need help. Make sure you know them or that they are part of your family.
You don’t have to always be alone. Find someone to help you. You deserve to have people in your life to help you when you are in need.
Even if you are a mom, you need to be able to do things with friends and to have fun. Enjoy a cup of coffee with other grownups or find a group to go out to the movies with.
You need to have days where you can have fun activities with other people outside of your family.
Make sure that you spend more time with your child throughout the week but that you take time for yourself as well. If you want to, have a date with your child and do something both of you can enjoy.
Take time to have adventure and put a list together of things you guys want to do like:
- Trampoline park.
- Roller Skating
- Volunteering somewhere to help them feel accountable.
- Instilling good qualities
- Listen to music at the park
- Find an indoor or outdoor movie place
- Watch a play
- Rock Climb
- Go to the Gym
Always take time for yourself. Even though motherhood never ends, you need time where you can remove yourself from your routine and take a break. The bond between you and your child will not lessen.
Make sure that you have someone that you can trust to watch your kid such as their father, a parent or an aunt. When you aren’t there, make sure that there is someone that can keep your child calm and let them feel loved.
Even though your child will love these people, they will most likely really want you but give them some time away from you because this is healthy for both them and you.
Never feel guilty for taking a break and if you don’t want to go far, just go to a neighbors house or sit at the park. Do whatever you want but just do it.
Everyone needs a chance to recharge and to clear their mind.
Add exercise to your routine so you can be healthy and have a break. Meditate and take time for yourself. This will help you to be a happier mom and your kids will appreciate you more.
Have a Date Night
Take time for your spouse as well. If you are married, make sure you take time for them. You need to do this without the children because you need to have a strong relationship with your spouse. You loved them first and you still love them.
Make sure you show them love by being romantic and by wanting to spend time with them. If you love your spouse, be affectionate. This will show your kids how they should act. They should know that you and your partner are best friends.
Take a date night each month and take turns planning what you will do. Make the night fun and a surprise. Don’t check your phone on your date and find a babysitter that you trust and who will only call if there is an actual emergency.
Take spontaneous dates and talk about the past and the future. Remember why you love each other.
Bad Mom Day
Everyone has a bad day. Here are some things to try to do or not do in front of your kids:
- Don’t argue with people in front of your kids.
- Talk to your kids like they are a person.
- Be loving
- Don’t yell
- Don’t go to bed mad
- Spend time with them.
There are days when you will do the right things and days when you won’t. Don’t be mad at yourself if you have a bad day.
Make sure you are careful with your words. When you scold them, make it positive and hug them afterwards. When you get mad, calm down and explain to them why you are upset.
If your child hits another child, make sure you tell them no and give them time out. If you feel that your child is in danger, take it seriously.
When you are scolding a child, use words like:
- Why are you doing that?
- Don’t do that.
- What are you doing?
Don’t use words like:
- You are stupid.
- Are you an idiot???
- I can’t stand you.
- Get out of my face.
You might feel that you would never do that but sometimes when you are angry you might say things that are hurtful.
Make sure that you talk about your feelings and that you say what you need to say but don’t stay angry. Never go to bed angry. Find a way to show your child that you love them even if you are upset.
- Remember that tomorrow is another day and if today was a bad day, tomorrow will be better.
You know how to be a good mom. Make sure that you are doing what you can and do your best to be a good mom for your children. Remember that changes happen and its okay. Do your best and reward yourself for the good things that you do.
Your children will love and appreciate that you are happy and that you are doing good both for them and yourself.